20 Things To Remember While Shopping During the Holidays.

As we are all painfully aware, the holidays are upon us. You especially don’t need to remind any of us who work in retail. So, I have compiled a list of things those of you who do NOT work in retail can reference while shopping this season.

1. Learn how to respect others;
(I started with the most important first)

Especially those of us who are not with our families during Thanksgiving and other upcoming holidays.
Because let’s all keep in mind that technically, it’s not “Black Friday” when you’re
shopping at 5:00 pm on Thursday…

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2. No, I don’t have any more in “the back.”
But yes, I will walk around, do a little dance, take a drink, and go through every swear word in my vocabulary,
while pretending to “check anyways.”

I swear, if I hear one more person ask me to check anyways; because apparently I have little mice in the stockroom just waiting to sew you whatever item you’re looking for,
because that’s a real option according to the smug look on your face, while waving me away.

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3. I am not your personal “ego-booster”.
I have other customers that are just as important as you, though you obviously you think otherwise.
I do not have time to watch you try on 12 different coats and tell you that “You look fabulous in that color, and the cut is amazing.”
Because let’s face it, you’re going to buy whatever you want anyways, you’re just thirsty for compliments;
even if they are coming from an employee who couldn’t care less.

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4. The sales floor is not your “I don’t want my coffee anymore” trash bin.
I don’t why  so many people do this, because it’s disgusting.
Although I would rather find your lipstick and coffee covered cup, instead of a dirty diaper, half eaten pretzel, or used tissue.

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5. It is not my fault your “coupon does not apply to your purchase.”
Let me just start off by saying, that I wish I could punch whoever decides on the “exclusions” for coupons, because I hate you.
Second, I would like to reach over the counter and smack the person who is screaming at me,
because obviously it’s my fault, and I am clearly out to ruin their lives personally.

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6. I don’t have every single item in the store memorized,
and I certainly don’t keep track of what other departments do with their shit.
“It’s that one item, that used to be right over there, and I saw it about two weeks ago, and I was wondering where it was now.”
Right, because I know exactly what thing you’re referring to.

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7.  Your kids are the spawn of Satan himself.
I’m sorry, but when your kids are running around the racks, grabbing my legs because they think I’m their mother, and screaming or crying at the top of their lungs, don’t be surprised when I don’t want to help you.
I want to be as far away from the little gremlins as possible, without actually leaving the store.
Also, they have sticky fingers that seem to touch everything,
and you clearly don’t bathe them because they have shit all over their faces.

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8. Please let me help you find the size you’re looking for.
I have to take precious seconds, minutes, hours, and days, out of my life to keep the tables and racks clean.
So you can imagine how pissed you would be if someone came and destroyed your hard work in seconds.
I can promise you that I don’t board fold with a sheet of paper, pop hoods, size,
and organize in color standards for the fun of it.

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9. Grandma, seriously, I don’t have time for you to tell me all about your clearly spoiled grand children.
If you come in looking for a specific item that your granddaughter or grandson put on their list,
expect that it’s going to be expensive. They don’t care that the only North Face that they want is $120.
How about you send a card and $5 bill to those ungrateful bastards. Jeesh.

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10. Please, I beg of you, don’t complain when I refuse to let you into a dressing room with 1,000 things.
Because you’re not the one who has to put all the shit you don’t want away!
Because its usually all or 998 of the items.

11. Learn to read. Because I have no tolerance for illiterates. 
I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK or KNOW what the sign said.
I know what the actual sign is for, and I am not going to “just change the price.”

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12. I do not work off commission.
I work for barely above, or minimum wage.
I am basically an overpaid 1800’s slave according to you.
So no, I am not getting paid enough to stand here while you ask me a million and one stupid questions.
Including if I work off commission because if I did, I certainly wouldn’t have this annoyed look on my face.

13. I am on break, and I am trying to run away from you, stop yelling after me.
When I am off the clock, I have absolutely NO obligation to talk to you, stop what I am doing, look at you,
and definitely NOT get you down a size.

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14. “Excuse me, do you work here?”
Nope. Actually I don’t, I am just wearing this name tag, headset, and uniform type outfit,
because I work up today thinking:
I am going to pretend I have a job when I am just an average citizen walking around in a store.

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15.UHM,EXCUSE ME, DO YOU WORK HERE?!?!”
(NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH # 14)
Oh no, this is a very different version of the question.
This is the “I can’t find anyone else to torture, and I think that you looked like an easy enough target
to focus my wrath upon, even though you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong.”

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16. “It doesn’t have a price, so it must be free”
*laughs as if you’re the first person to ever say that.*
You’re literally the most annoying person alive right now, and I wish you would leave and never come back.

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17. I do not, I repeat, DO NOT, control the prices.
I have absolutely no say in the matter, I just work here.
Although according to you, I can just say:
“Oh you don’t like that price printed on the tag from the manufacturer?
Let me change that for you right away!”

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18. I don’t want to hear your life story.
I would rather be doing anything else.
Literally anything.

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19. Asking to “talk to a manager” is a complete waste of time.
One, they are going to tell you exactly the same thing I did,
just worded differently,
and two, as soon as you walk way,
we are going to call you a names, laughing hysterically while doing so.

20. No, I actually hate your sarcasm when you say, “I bet you just love your job.”
It’s people like you that make me hate my job more than the day before.

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20 Things To Remember While Shopping During the Holidays.

She remembers that day…

She remembers the day so vividly it was as if it had just happened yesterday.
The day that she wishes she could forget, but never actually can.
The same day that her father seems to pretend never happened. Maybe because he also wishes that it had never happened, and its easier to just ignore it. The same memory that she wishes she could take away from her brother and sisters memories: It all seemed to be a good thing. A new chapter in her life, and her families’ lives. She was young, around 12 years old. The world wasn’t a scary or enormous place that felt like it was out to get her. Her parents didn’t tell her when things were going wrong, because she “wasn’t old enough to worry about grown up stuff.” The little girl was having a sleepover with her best friend, in her packed up bedroom. All she had left was a few pillows and blankets, everything else was in boxes or her suitcase. They were watching a movie and laughing and she could hear her parents yelling in the other room, and hoped they would stop before her friend heard anything. There was a banging on the front door that startled her, and their dog was barking loudly, as if she were scared. The little girl was curious why her dad wasn’t opening the door to make the dog stop and see who it was. She went to the living room, the same living room that she had grown up in, with so many memories, was now empty except the couch they were leaving behind. She looked out the window next to the door and saw three police officers; two men and a woman. The girl tried opening the door, but they pulled it shut. The girl was scared and yelled for her dad to come to the room. Finally, her dad came and told her to go into her room, gather her things, and get her brother to do the same. She ran to her room to turn off the movie and get her friend. She didn’t know what to do first, so she started rolling up her blanket and grabbed her teddy bear.  She could hear the men and woman whispering as they walked down the hallway towards her pretty pink room. “Honey, grab your things, it is time to leave,” the woman said in a sweet voice. The rest all became a blur, she remembers that her mother was in the shower, and the woman was trying to talk to her through the door. She remembers that they couldn’t find the cat, and had to go looking for him throughout the house, because he was hiding. She remembers that her friend was picked up by her brother and she didn’t see her for a few days. She remembers that sign in the window next to the door, that she couldn’t tear down so the rest of the world wouldn’t know. She doesn’t remember the rest of the day, maybe it was a coping mechanism, maybe it’s a good thing she can’t remember. The girls parents decided that she could know why the police came that day, that she deserved that little piece of information; the man who was going to move into their house after they moved out decided that he wanted to move in sooner than planned. At least that is what they told her, she never really knew if that was the whole story, and years later, she is still afraid to ask; she doesn’t want to reopen wounds that will never actually heal. She doesn’t know why her head and heart are somehow flooded with these memories, but she refuses to let them overwhelm her. She is stronger from the things that she has gone through in her life. Things that people don’t know about her, and her past. The young girl that is no longer a naive girl, but a woman who won’t allow the enormous world that is out to get her keep her down. She just wants to send a message to the man that made the light in her eyes fade ever so slightly: thank you for making me realize that bad things happen to you, even if you live your life thinking you’re a good person. 

She remembers that day…

Man Candy.

Why Guys Suck.

1. The way they walk

2. The way they talk

3. The way they look at you

4. The way they bite their lower lip

5. The way he dances

6. The way he makes you want to rip his clothes off

7.  The way he wears sweatpants and looks sexy as hell

8. When he compliments you

9. When he remembers little details that you’ve mentioned

10. When he holds your hand in a crowd of people so he doesn’t loose you

11. The way he smiles at you when you enter his line of vision

12. The way he says your name in a conversation

13. The way he says your name

14. The way he makes you laugh

15. The way he cuddles with you while you sleep

16. The way he hugs you when your drunk and you just stand there forever

17. When he buys you chicken nuggets

18. When he texts you because he knows you’re upset without having to tell him

19. When he wraps his arms around your waist at a concert

20. The way he makes you feel safe

21. When you have inside jokes

22. The way his muscles look in a tight t-shirt

23. His tattoos

24. When he plays with your hair

25. When he makes you mac-n-cheese

26. The way he acts around little kids

27. The stupid nicknames he gives you

28.  The way he kisses

29. How passionate he is for everything he does

30. The way he gets nervous while talking about sex

31. The way he flirts with other girls

32. The way he stops talking to you every night

33. The way he decides to date someone other than you

34. When he breaks your heart

35. When he secretly still had feelings for you but was a whimp and never said anything

36. When he makes you question your entire friendship

37. When he gets lonely and suddenly wants you again

38. When he finally gets you to give in

39.  When he makes you feel like his second choice

40. When he makes you feel like an idiot for ever liking him in the first place

41. When you realize that maybe there was never anything special between us

42. When have to act like you aren’t broken inside

43. When you wish that it was back to how it was before

44. When you start loosing hope for him to realize what he’s missing.

45. When you finally move the fuck on. 

Man Candy.

Have a Gay Day!

I, along with an overwhelming amount of people, and my friends, are going to the Gay Pride Parade in Chicago this Sunday, and I could not be more excited!

I absolutely love the atmosphere of people loving themselves and not being afraid to show it. I’m not gay and I get this amazing feeling, so I can only imagine the unity those who are feel.

As a country there are far too many people who want to deny these amazing people their right to marry the one they love and that is extremely upsetting. Now I am not going to go into any specifics or percentages, because I don’t believe in them, and quite frankly I don’t think they make a difference in an argument. Anyways, I don’t think that those people really want to be homophobic, they just don’t know anything different. If you think about it, what values do you have? Where did they come from? Your parents right? Now think, if you support different things than your parents did you come to those conclusions on your own? Yes. Did you have opportunities to experience the other side of things? Yes, because your loving parents gave you the support to do so. The people that post hateful things on the internet don’t have that kind of support system. I mean a lot of the people who post homophobic posts are closeted gays!! It all comes down to whether or not your beliefs are accepted by those around you.                             god loves gays

I grew up Catholic, I have gone through all of the sacraments and go to church frequently. As I am sure you know, the Catholic religion is EXTREMELY homophobic. Now there are a few things that I don’t necessarily agree with when it comes to Catholicism, but the things that my religion says about gay people makes me sick. Now here’s where the support of my parents comes into play. They know that I am sometimes too caring of a person; another person’s problem is my problem. I drop what I am doing to support another human being. Always. So when I was talking to my parents one night I think at dinner, the topic of gays and whether or not it is something they support came up, I immediately started saying how much I support it and believe in it.  Just like how I am pro-life because everyone should be able to exercise their rights whether they are an unborn baby, a boy who loves another boy, or a girl that loves another girl. My parents where not surprised at all that I supported gay pride, because they raised me to love others and accept them for who they are. I can’t even imagine not loving my child because of who they loved.

Unfortunately, there still are those people that are homophobic that grew up in a supportive household where they could express their beliefs and never be put down for them. It is just a mindset as silly as: “I don’t like peas.” “Have you ever had peas?” “No.” “Then how do you know that you don’t like peas?” “I don’t like they look or smell, so I don’t like them.”

There are so many different analogies that I could use! But the main point I am trying to make is that I am so proud to support gay pride! To think that I could have missed out on friendships based on what I should believe is crazy. If everyone did everything they should do, the world would be a very boring place without any color!

Have a gay day, Liz

USA GAY

Have a Gay Day!

Things I hate. Pt. 2

1. slow internet

2. cold french fries

3. when the sun is setting and is too low for the visor in the car to block so I’m blinded while trying to turn.

4. when I burn my cookies.

5. when I can’t open a snapchat and I forever have “1” notification.

6. when I get out of the shower and I forgot a towel.

7. when my alarm goes off in the morning.

8. when my alarm DOESN’T go off in the morning, so I barely make it to work on time.

9. vacuuming.

10. when my dog won’t stop barking at nothing.

11. when people are rude to me at work for no reason.

12. my fucking back fat.

13. dieting to get rid of my fucking back fat.

14. when my sister plays her music over and over again so I forever have a One Direction song stuck in my head.

15. homework, though I think that’s pretty universal.

16. when the dryer sheets stick to my clothes and I find one in my shirt while at work.

17. that reminds me; doing laundry, I fucking hate doing laundry.

18. flat pop.

19. when my “fast food” takes too long because I want to ingest all of that terrible food RIGHT NOW.

20. brushing my teeth, like it’s so time consuming, don’t worry though, I brush my teeth anyways.

21. not being 21 yet.

22. that song 22 by Taylor Swift.

23. Basically any song by Taylor Swift.

24. finishing a series of books that I don’t want to end/

25. math.

26. celery.

27. when my nail polish starts to chip off which only entices me to chip it the rest of the way off.

28. living in Illinois.

29. pimples. again pretty universal.

30. when someone goes in my room when I’m not home, but leaves something ever so slightly out of place enough to let me know that someone was indeed in my room without my permission.

31. mowing the lawn.

32. running out of things to hate.

Things I hate. Pt. 2

Why I hate books & movies

As I am sure the majority of my generation and I suppose younger and older folks could be included in this, have read the book by the ever so popular, John Green. Ah yes, the book I am referring to is, The Fault in Our Stars.
I have not yet finished reading it, but in an effort not to spoil anything for the people who live as Patrick Starr under a rock, I will just say this, I am crying like a fool alone in my room. So, please, just don’t ruin anything for me if you’re reading this, if you have indeed finished or re-read the book like my sister, who squeals every time the book is mentioned.
I just had to write something because not only is the book fantastic, but it also is extremely inspiring to the writer in me. I absolutely love Green’s writing style. Because not only is it easy to read, but the big words he uses for the characters makes me want to ‘google search’ the definition… is that weird? It makes me feel like the way I speak is that of a blithering moron. But alas, maybe if I was dying of cancer I would have more time to study the dictionary. (Thank my lucky stars that I am healthy, and I have a long life to live, and I am deeply saddened by anyone who does not have the same opportunities as I do. However, I do know, even before I read this book, that sick people do not want to be treated like sick people.  I know that I would despise being talked to like a dog or an infant for the entirety of my life that I had to live.)

Anyways, the reason I wanted to write this is because goddammit is it sad. Like I mentioned, I was bawling my eyes out just five minutes ago. So it made me think about the power someone’s words have over us. I’ve never met anyone so young who was dying of cancer, so I don’t have any kind of real life connection to the story other than Augustus’ need to feel like he left some kind of a mark on the world. But the very very main thing is that, this book as I read alone in my room, transports me to some kind of limbo where time feels as though it’s not passing, even though I spent the last 3 hours reading and never looking up from the page.

Movies have the same effect, even if they aren’t based on a book… side note: I think that books that you have read and had some kind of obsession with them, that are turned into a movie, that you obviously go to see, have an even bigger effect on us afterwards… When the movie is over it breaks my heart. You get to see real people acting out the words from your favorite book, you see it in a completely different way. Are the characters like you imagined? Are the locations visited portrayed as you envisioned them in your head? From experience, they hardly ever are. The only person I thought ever was portrayed as I envisioned was Katniss Everdeen, by Jennifer Lawrence.
So basically, just as everyone already knows, the books are always better than the movies, because no one will ever be truly satisfied with how it all comes to life on the big screen.

So basically, I hate books and movies because I hate the effect that they have on my heart. I can’t handle the death of my favorite characters, I can’t stand it when someone who I adored turns out to be the villain, or my favorite couple breaks up. If any of you are One Tree Hill fans, you will probably understand this reference; when you go to a movie, and you are so invested in the story and then when it’s over and you leave, reality smacks you in the face. We’re forced to turn our cell phones back on, if you’re one of those people who actually turn off your phone. It’s like everything we suppressed while we watched the characters on the screens live their lives, suddenly hits you like a wave of emotion. Books have the same effect on me, I look up from the page and see my room, it looks the same as it has for the past 7 years or so. I look the same, I feel the same, I am still in my insignificant south suburb. The familiarity settles back in.

That my cyber friends is why I hate books and movies. But in the best way possible, if that makes any sense at all. 

“Augustus, perhaps you’d like to share your fears with the group.”
“My fears?”
“Yes.”
“I fear oblivion,” he said without a moment’s pause.
“I fear it like the proverbial blind man who’s afraid of the dark.”

“There will come a time,” I said, “when all of us are dead. All of us. There will come a time when there are no human beings remaining to remember that anyone ever existed or that our species every did anything. There will be no one left to remember Aristotle or Cleopatra, let alone you. Everything that we did will be forgotten all of this”- I gestured encompassingly- “will not survive forever. There was time before organisms experienced consciousness, and there will be time after. And if the inevitability of human oblivion worries you, I encourage you to ignore it. God knows that everyone else does.”

If that does scare the shit out of you, I don’t know what else could.

Liz.

Why I hate books & movies