If I could write a letter to me,

I often wonder how my life would have turned out if I made different choices. If I had worked at a different store when I was 16, if I had actually saved money for my own car when I was 18, if I had taken the chances I was too afraid to take. Unfortunately time travel is not a real form of transportation, as much as I wish it was. So, I am living the life I have, and dealing the decisions I have made. If I could write a letter to me, this is what I would like to say to myself.

Dear me,

It’s future you. I know, it’s crazy, but just hear me out. I have to tell you a few things; things you’re going to want to know now instead of later.

First things first, spend more time having fun with your family instead of fighting all of the time. It is not worth it, however important it feels in the moment, I promise you, it wont matter in the future. Remember that mom and dad are getting older as you get older, so don’t take them for granted.

Keep focused with school! The world doesn’t care about you if you don’t have your degree. It’s boring, and it’s hard, and algebra sucks, but do it anyways. One day you’re going to be happy that you were home schooled. It honestly pays off, trust me.

Don’t listen to the mean girls. One day you’re going to find people who accept you, and love you for who you are. They’ll even find your bad jokes funny! Hard to believe, but it’s the truth. It will hurt for a little while, but the sooner you realize that people are going to come in and out of your life the easier it will be. Some people are not meant to be around forever, so appreciate them while they are. Learn what you can from the situation, and try to use it to your advantage in the future.

Please stop trusting that people always have your back; because they don’t. YOU NEED TO PROTECT YOURSELF!  People are always looking out for themselves, and they will trample you if necessary to get what they want.  Stop believing all of their empty promises, and kick ass to get what you want. Take responsibility for not getting what you want, because at the end of the day, nobody cares. It’s harsh, but it’s reality.

You do not need a boyfriend to feel good about yourself.  I am still finding this out, but maybe this will give you head start. Just because other girls your age have boyfriends, it does not mean you also need to have one. I mean just look at all the problems it will cause them… You are beautiful, and you don’t need a boy to tell you that.

Remember to be happy. Find the little things that make you smile, and hold them close to your heart. It is easy to focus on all of the things that are going wrong. Instead try to remember that everything happens for a reason, as cheesy as that may be; I’ve found it to be true for the most part. There are a few things that I cannot make sense of, but I am sure that I will one day.

I cannot wait until you get to see the things I have so far in life. There are a lot of really great things mixed in with the bad. Remember that through all of the trials of life, you are becoming a stronger person in spite of it. Keep your head up, and try not to let all of those thoughts in your head control you.

Love, Me.

If I could write a letter to me,

“So I saw this guy at a coffee shop…”

“So I saw this guy at a coffee shop, and I think he’s the ONE… basically we’re planning a spring wedding. I just have to talk to him first.”

Have you ever seen someone in a public place that caught your eye? Maybe it was initially because a physical attraction, but the more you inspected there was little details that made them more memorable? Yes, that sounds super creepy, but our minds are a wonderfully confusing place, and its usually involuntary. Maybe it was a coffee shop, maybe it was on the train, maybe it was just passing them on the street. Whatever the case, somehow in the split-est of a second, they have left an impression on you.

Now maybe this is just me, but then my daydreaming starts to kick in. I imagine what I would say if I actually had the courage to say something. This would never happen because of crippling anxiety and unfathomable awkwardness. I usually wonder what their name is, where they grew up, what kind of relationship they have with their parents. How did they get there? I wonder if the universe pushed us together for an unknown reason. A glance but never an actual interaction.

Imagine if we actually said one word to those who somehow grab our attention… “hello”.
Seems easy enough right? Wrong. Because why would we put ourselves in such a vulnerable position? Why would we potentially set ourselves up for failure? These of course are only half of the reactions we could possibly have with said person. What if they actually wanted to talk to you as well?! Just kidding your’re an awkward penguin. 

“So I saw this guy at a coffee shop…”

The Story of My 21st Birthday

Well… what can I say, it wasn’t anything special. Growing up everyone always hyped up the tradition of “YOUR 21ST BIRTHDAY!” and how it is a wonderful coming of age event. When in reality it is nothing but over priced shots, a lot of throw up, and a hangover that lasts a week. But even when knowing all of this, we still love to force feed our friends shots of tequila.

Your 21st birthday, is a right of passage. It means legally drinking… because let’s be honest, no one waits until they are of legal age to drink from the devils cup; and by that I mean mike’s hard lemonade, and UV vodka. (both of which are as un-classy as they are delicious, but it is more of a sugar high than anything else)

My friends and I got together and went to the closest bar in the area that wasn’t filled with old smelly biker gang men… though now that is more of the place that I prefer. I got dressed up, and wore heels, because I decided to torture myself. My other friends dressed up nicely, and we hit the town. We sat down, and I already had a drink in front of me. Out of my group of friends I was the last to turn 21 so I had no idea what I was in for. I had shot after shot, and then because I am basic white bitch, we decided to dance; and by dance I mean I flopped around like an idiot, but I do that sober. I am pleased to say that my heels stayed on all night. We walked over to the next bar down the street, and at that point I didn’t even remember getting there, we just were. I was told that I was given two consecutive shots of tequila, and I requested no chaser, which means that all the nerves in my body were completely shot to hell. I have little recollection of the entire time at the second bar. However, I do recall trying to walk to the bathroom and nearly falling over because I was still wearing my heels. Once we had enough we started to make our way to the cars, and I was being driven back to my friends house. It was a short drive, about 5 minutes, and I sat in the backseat of his mother’s car. Great choice. We were nearly back to his house when he told me to tell him to pull over if I was going to get sick,  I agreed, but being in the state of mind that I was I don’t think I could have told him what my name was. So being the classy lady that I am, I decided to roll down the window and puke instead of telling him to pull the car over. Which as you can imagine, that did not go as planned. We got to my friends house, and I remember trying to scoop the mess into my hand, which of course was only making matters worse. But… “I was trying to help.” I was told to go inside and change, and that was my last memory of the night before I completely blacked out. So, from what I was told, and this could be completely false… I was given my bag to change into my pajamas, and I did so alone in the bathroom and not right out in the open…. thank god. I held conversations, and was cracking jokes, ya know, the usual. Then I tucked myself in on the couch, and fell asleep… at about 12:30 am. Party animal right. So then my friends proceeded to party and drink, and good for them, I was there in spirit. I was told that I was checked on regularly to make sure I was not dead. I woke up the next morning with other friends passed out on the couches with me, and I felt fine. Sleeping for 12 hours helps with the hangover apparently. My other friend drove me home, and I smelled like puke… it was great. Then we all moved on with our lives, and I believe we drank the following night too.

There is the story of my 21st birthday… like I said, nothing special. But I had a wonderful time with my friends, and I am so grateful to have them in my life; then and now.

So, for anyone out there turning 21, or if you’re not in America, when you become of legal age, which seems like 18 literally everywhere else, don’t over think it. Do something fun with people you love, and make it a night you’ll remember… or wont. That’s up to you.

The Story of My 21st Birthday

Journal Entry… two

“I tend to dwell on the things in life that I cannot change. The things that I do have control over, I let sit collecting dust, instead of doing something about it. 

Sometimes there are things in life that we could not change even with a time machine. Because they were meant to happen; and living life wishing there were time machines is no way to live with the time we were given. 

We have things that we CAN control and it is up to us to actually get off our ass and do something about it. 

We only have one life and what kind of life are we living just sitting around waiting for someone else to fix our problems? 

I am guilty of this, but I am trying to change for the better. 

Take your lemons and make a… lemon drop martini and move on.” 

Journal Entry… two