I don’t know what I studied for, clearly I like ’em dumb

“I Wish”
Cher Lloyd (feat. T.I.)

Ey, ha ha, make a wish girl

You deserve it
Uh-huh, ha, ha, yeah

Baby, I seen the chick you’re with, wish that I never did
Freakin’ perfect and five foot ten, just wanna punch her lip
‘Cause I know I’ve been wasting time trying to catch your eye
Yeah I know that I been so blind thinking that I’m your type

And now I’m at home, I’m all alone
‘Bout to pick up the telephone
Got to call my genie so he knows, yeah

I wish I was tall, I wish I was fast
Wish I could shop with a bag full of cash
‘Cause if I want you, I gotta have that
(Come, come kiss me boy)
I wish I had style, I wish I had flash
Wish I woke up with a butt and a rack
‘Cause if I want you, I gotta have that
(Come, come kiss me boy)

(Uh-huh, yeah)

Baby, I’m gonna keep it real, boy you’re the one I want
I don’t own any five inch heels, just got my Nikes on
Never thought I was insecure, boy look at what you done (what you done)
I don’t know what I studied for, clearly I like ’em dumb

And now I’m at home I’m all alone,
‘Bout to pick up the telephone
Got to call my genie so he knows, yeah

I wish I was tall, I wish I was fast
Wish I could shop with a bag full of cash
‘Cause if I want you, I gotta have that
(Come, come kiss me boy)
I wish I had style, I wish I had flash
Wish I woke up with a butt and a rack
‘Cause if I want you, I gotta have that
(Come, come kiss me boy)

Hey, now don’t you wanna do some, baby,
With the roof gone, baby
Aston Martin look retarded like the coup gone crazy
I’m not sure what kinda fella you like
But I can give you paradise, have it however you like
I’m talking solitaire iced out, ring, watch, necklace
Ain’t no talking reckless, girl, I’m certified respected, girl
Yeah, you like to run your mouth, well you’re about to learn a lesson, girl
Yeah, you the one but I’ll replace you in a second, girl
And I ain’t even trying to see you naked, girl
Wait, there I go exaggerate
Clearly carried away
But what I’m saying you could true that
I wanna be wherever you at
So you wishing you could kiss me
Do you really wanna do that, eh?
Make a wish, girl

(Yeah)

I wish I was tall, I wish I was fast
Wish I could shop with a bag full of cash
‘Cause if I want you, I gotta have that
(Come, come kiss me boy)
I wish I had style, I wish I had flash (oh, yeah)
Wish I woke up with a butt and a rack
‘Cause if I want you, I gotta have that
(Come, come kiss me boy)

I wish I was tall
‘Cause if I want you, I gotta have that
(Come, come kiss me boy)
I wish I had, I wish I had, I wish I had yeah yeah
‘Cause if I want you, I gotta have that
(Come, come kiss me boy)

I don’t know what I studied for, clearly I like ’em dumb

50 Little Things That Make Me Happy

1. Puppies
2. Family
3. Large Cokes from McDonalds (shout out to Vicki, cause I know you read these)
4. New perfume
5. Finding that perfect “summer song”
6. When the newest episode of my show is added to Hulu on their website
7. Going to see a new movie with friends
8. Playing softball
9. Wearing a dress
10. Painting my nails a new color
11. Friends
12. New earrings
13. Ice cold lemonade
14. Not having to set an alarm
15. Cuddling
16. The smell of freshly cut grass
17. Concerts
18. Traveling
19. Laying on a blanket in the grass listening to music
20. Going to the beach
21. Coffee
22. 4G LTE
23. Getting a good grade on a test
24. Bonfires
25. Kissing
26. Making the last cup left handed in beer pong
27. Warm blankets
28. Sleeping in my underwear
29. Long showers
30. New shoes
31. Fireworks, even though they also scare me
32. Downtown Chicago
33. Sandwiches from Jimmy Johns or Potbelly
34. Fat baby stuffed animals
35. The Aquarium
36. Cupcakes
37. Giving gifts
38. Christmas
39. Relating the lyrics of a song to my life or situation
40. Making people smile
41. Love stories
42. Being called beautiful
43. Having deep drunk conversations
44. Looking at old pictures
45. Chicken Nuggets
46. Beer or just alcohol in general
47. Dancing
48. When my hair and make up is on point
49. Driving with the windows down
50. When a guy gives me his hoodie

50 Little Things That Make Me Happy

Read at your own risk: I am talking about feelings again.

I try so hard to keep myself from getting to this place. Feeling sorry for myself. I get into these moods that I just can’t help but dwell on all the things I have going on in my life. Or things that I wish were going on but aren’t. I don’t like that most everything I post on here are negative, but I just need to get it off my system somehow, and writing usually is the best cure.

I was off all day today, and I’m off tomorrow and Wednesday, so I am going to be doing a lot of sitting alone in my room watching Netflix. The problem with that is I begin to feel like shit again because I don’t have anything to distract me.

I don’t want anyone to think that I want attention for writing that I think I am ugly or fat, because I don’t. I am a human, I wish that I could change the things I don’t like about myself. Everyone can find something that they would change about themselves. If you say that you love yourself for exactly who you are, and wouldn’t change anything, you’re a fucking liar and I hate you. I have my moments when I look in the mirror and think damn, you sexy little thing,  I unfortunately have more moments when I look in the mirror and think you’re disgusting. 

I also don’t know how or why my heart is able to handle everything I put it through. I wish that I could just STOP. I wish I could just pretend nothing ever happened. I wish I could actually move on, instead of telling everyone that I have. It’s much easier said than done. Shout out to my friend Frank, if you’re reading this, he is helping me through this extremely weird and shitty situation. — I am going to take a quick second to say something I am grateful for: my friends who treat me with respect and love. I honestly don’t know where I would be without those who are always there for me to talk to. I love all of you so much.

I have never been the type of person who talks about their feelings. I tend to keep EVERYTHING bottled up until I explode, or I’m super drunk. Sometimes though I get these odd surges of confidence and I just want to fucking tell him how I feel, but then I chicken out and keep it to myself instead. Although I don’t know who in my social circle who actually reads this often enough to see my posts, but I am almost positive everyone knows who I am talking about right now. Because apparently it’s painfully obvious! Which only makes me feel like a complete fucking fool. I need to move on, but then I don’t. I’m hanging onto nothing. I want to talk about things, because we only talk while intoxicated, but then I think, how much would that actually help? Why do I want to open old wounds that are finally healed? Why would I put myself through all the same bullshit? The thing is, I keep telling myself that I don’t want to talk, or know what any of it means, because it doesn’t mean anything. I know this, and I don’t want it to mean anything… I don’t know if any of this makes any sense. I need to stop telling myself not to face my feelings because I need to. I need to think of myself for once. I need to say what I want to say, and then worry about everything else. I need to stop being so introverted and let myself feel things. But then I don’t want to feel the pain that comes with all of it. FUCK!!

Why does everything in life have to be so confusing? Why does everything have to be a game?! I wish things were straight forward, and I didn’t feel like I had to dance around people’s feelings and worry about how things will effect the total outcome. It sucks. I wish that I could actually express my feelings to real people, and not my computer screen at 1am listening to sad love songs. I wish that I would actually just fucking say whats on my mind, WHILE I’M SOBER.

Man fuck tonight.
Liz

Read at your own risk: I am talking about feelings again.