flying the coop, well more like pushed.

I am writing this with my stomach tied in knots.
My parents officially kicked me out yesterday.
It is completely my fault, and I take full responsibility for my actions.
Do I think that I deserve to be kicked out of my own house? no.
Am I OK? no
But I will be.
Luckily I have an awesome group of friends right now that are
supportive of me, and are willing to help me when I need it the most.

Right now I am hanging out at my grandpas house.
Vicki brought me here after work.
I figured I could get some rest and some free food because I
barely have two dimes to rub together.
It wouldn’t be  as bad if I hadn’t just given my parents $145 for “rent” this month.
I don’t know what I am doing, and I am scared out of my mind.
At least I know that I have a place to sleep.
I spent the night at Rob’s and got about 5 hours of sleep, but that doesn’t make up for all
that I’ve lost the past three days.
It was Monday night, St. Patrick’s Day, and I was invited to go over to hang out at Rob’s
to have a little gathering and celebrate, aka, drink.
I told them I would go, and then when I was going to the store with my mom, I asked her what time
we were going to have dinner because my friends were going to come
and pick me up, because I was never allowed to use the van, so if I wanted
to hang out, they needed to give me a ride. Anyways, my mom was like, well you’re not going.
Keep in mind that I am 20 years old, and I shouldn’t have to worry about all asking permission.
Well I decided that it would be a good idea ti defy them and go anyways.
I knew that I had work the next day at 5 am, and so I texted  Rob and asked if he was working
the shipment truck the next morning as well, which is at 4 am.
He was, so I thought, perfect, I can go to the party, hang out, drink til 1 or 2 am and go into work.
The plan was that I would just stay with him, and then go in early and nap in the break room until my
shift started. So I made sure to grab a shirt and I knew that I had gym shoes in my locker so I didn’t
need to grab those. So I showered and got ready, and ate dinner with my family.
Then they got there to pick me up, and as I was walking out the door, my mom says
Goodbye, see ya whenever, because you’re not coming back anytime soon. 
I just laughed and walked out, convinced that my dad would be texting me at my “curfew”
asking when I’d be coming home for the night. Well 3 am rolls around and he still hadn’t
contacted me. I kinda thought it was odd but nothing too serious.
So then he texts me on Tuesday around 8 am asking where I was, to which I replied: “work.”
No response.
I get home around 1:15 pm and just walk inside like no big deal, whatever.
Then I can hear my parents talking in their room, which is right next to mine,
so I can hear every word.
I just waited and prepared for them to come in my room.
It all went just as I thought it would, yelling, swearing, calling me a failure,
that I am a lowlife, that my friends are lowlifes, all this stuff that I have heard 1000x before.
So I posted on Facebook:
“Anyone know of a cheap place to rent in Orland / Tinley area for cheap? Or maybe a couch? This a very real request.”
I got quite a few replies, and even more texts asking what was going on.
I honestly got tired of telling the story over and over again.
So I am trying to find apartments with my friend Danielle,and we are hoping to move quickly so I don’t have
to couch serf for long…
Rob, Bobby, and Vicki, found an apartment a few blocks from Rob’s current house, and are hopefully
moving in there, so obviously I am going to stay with them for a while, I am thinking I’ll need
a blow up mattress soon too.
So that is hopefully happening next month. Right now I am staying with Rob then maybe Sylvia, and
my Grandpa said I could stay here too. (here would probably be the best choice…)
So, the MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR problem that I am having now is that I don’t have a car.
Basically I have no idea how I am going to get around on my own, I’m going to have to get
rides from people all over the place.
This fucking sucks.
I just have to keep reminding myself that I am going to be just fine and that things are
going to work out eventually.
I think that this might be a blessing in disguise because who knows when I would
have finally moved out.
Mostly I have to distract myself because otherwise I am going to freak the fuck out.

Pray for me. No like seriously I am totally fucking screwed right now and could use all the help I can get.
Hugs and Kisses, Liz

flying the coop, well more like pushed.

don’t hate; appreciate.



Since I haven’t posted any photos of myself lately, here’s a couple that I’ve taken recently. I’ve been working really hard to watch what I eat and attempting to exercise more, I’m becoming more and more comfortable with my body and overall appearance. I’m starting to realize that I need to love myself because I can’t count on someone doing it for me. #progress

don’t hate; appreciate.


For the followers that I do have, and the random people that sometimes come on and read my blog, I apologize for falling off the face of the earth. I know that it has literally been forever and a day since I have posted anything, and some of the things I have posted are private so you wouldn’t be able to read them anyways…

I think that I just needed some time away because I haven’t been feeling like myself these days. I don’t know what it is, but as soon as I know why I will fill you all in. Trust me I wish that I had a better reason why I haven’t been writing, because writing it usually helped make sense of the emotions I would be feeling. But I guess that for a while, it just wasn’t enough. I’m sure that so many people can relate to the fact that somehow writing it makes it feel like you’re talking to a friend, and because I have people reading this, it is like I have friends that I have never met before that still know so much about my life. Sometimes you all know more than my actual friends.

I think that its time for me to start up again. I have a lot to tell you all about too! Because over the what, 5 months or something, that I have been away a shit load has happened. haha.

Let’s dive right in I guess…
I made some new friends from work. And I can actually call them my friends because I actually see them outside of work. I at least like to believe that they are my friends, but as I have mentioned before I suck when it comes to keeping friends in my life, either they leave me or I leave them. I was talking to Rob the other night and he was telling me about how long he has known his friends and then it occurred to me that everyone that I consider my friends, I have met within the past 2 1/2 years. That is so sad! It just goes to show that people that I was friends with when I was younger who I thought would always be in my life decided that I wasn’t worth keeping around. I am happy though, with the people that I have in my life at the moment, because I have learned to just enjoy life as it is happening rather than worrying so much about what MIGHT happen. I hope that I remain friends with these people for a long time, but I am not stupid either, I know that its an impossible hope.

I seriously love my job for the most part. I am so fucking happy I don’t work at American Eagle anymore. That place ruined me. Although, because it was so shitty, I think it makes my current job SO much better. I remember on my first day there, they were freaking out over a few shirts that were messed up on a table and saying that it was soooo messy  I just started laughing because it was beautiful compared to AE tables and it was on a Sunday. I just wish that I made more money that I could finally move out.

*about 30 minutes passed*
OK, I am going to pick this up later, but it was nice at least getting some of this out. I need to go eat some dinner, I think I smell pizza!!!
It’s so good to be back!
Love, Liz