Wednesday, October 23rd 2013

At work today I was told that I am the “outerwear captain” or whatever my boss called it. I am glad its something upstairs because I like being up in outerwear better! I also really like the people upstairs.
I also had a heart crushing thing happen, and I shouldn’t have let myself get this invested… “he” high-fived me when he left the other day. I was literally mortified. I seriously SUCK when it comes to guys. Although I said, I was stupid for letting myself get attached because then when I am friendzoned, I feel sorry for myself.
I have my cousins wedding reception to go to on Saturday. He got married in California and is now having a party for his Chicago family. I think its stupid that they got married all the way out there, when he grew up in Chicago. I don’t even think his now new wife lived there. Whatever, it doesn’t matter what I think.
I decided to wear the dress I wore to my other cousins wedding last December. I just really didn’t want to spend more money on another dress, because my other cousin is getting married on November 9th and I need a dress for that. Yes, all of my cousins decided to get married at the same fucking time.

Anyways. I just wanted to give a little update on my life, since it has been a while.
Hopefully after this weekend I will have some fun stories to tell!

Wednesday, October 23rd 2013

growing pains

What is it these days that gives people this preconceived notion notion that young people need to grow up so much faster? I’m only 20 years old! Why do I need to have a full time job, be living on my own, have a car payment, have my life all put together? I just don’t understand. I wish I knew what I wanted. I wish I knew that I could make up my mind. It’s much harder to live in the real world these days. Back when my parents were my age, things were far less complicated, but more importantly, expensive.

My mother just loves to tell about all the things that she did differently at my age. What she doesn’t realize is that I don’t want to live her life. I don’t want kids, I certainly don’t want to be living in the suburbs somewhere being a “housewife”. I love my mother, but I don’t want to follow in her footsteps. As do most of young adults these days. I would rather live with multiple roommates, eat noodle soup every night, and drive a shitty car, than recreate our parents lives.

I grew up in a one level house, in a normal Chicago south subarb. I was homeschooled all my life. I played sports, took piano lessons, I went to church every Sunday. I have 1 brother and 2 sisters. I’ve never been out of the country, the farthest I’ve traveled in the states, is to Washington D.C.
Needless to say, I plan on living a fast-paced adult life, with no kids, a stable job in the city, hopefully in California, with two dogs, hopefully a boyfriend or even husband. I want the complete opposite of my life now.

My question is; just because I want those things, why do they need to be just around the corner?
My parents want me to pay fucking rent. I have lived in this house with them for the past seven years. Why now? It’s not like I moved out then came back asking for their help. Besides I would rather live in my car, then come back after I moved out.

I want so badly to be living on my own, call my own shots, not have to listen to my mother yell at me on a daily basis. On the other hand, as I mentioned before, the real world is EXPENSIVE. I cant afford that shit.

I wish all these “old people” would take a fucking chill-pill. Let me grow up before you push mee edge of the nest. jeeze.

growing pains


I think I can speak for most girls these days on this particular topic.

If you say that you don’t do this, you’re a fucking liar.

When we like a guy, we internet stalk the shit out of him. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, you name it. If he’s got it, we’ve seen it. Here’s how it usually plays out:

1. We see him, think he’s attractive

2. Usually we will find a way to talk to him, or make him come up to us

3. If we like him; the stalking commences!

I guess you could look at it as a pre-screening for whether or not we want to pursue him. We like to find out if he has a girlfriend without having to ask him face to face. How many pictures he is tagged in from other girls. See who he hangs out with, and if you can “compete” with the girls he is usually around. What school he went to/ goes to. Yea,  it sounds way over the top stalker, but if its online, why wouldn’t you find out as much as you can?

I know it sounds phyco, but I know I do it, and as I previously mentioned, if you’re sitting there, like

*stuck up snooty girl voice*

Like omg, I do NOT do that, I can get whatever guy I want, and I don’t stalk him, Only creepers do that…”


Enjoy stalking everyone!


H0W T0 […]

 I find myself typing “how to…” into Google far too many times a day. Its usually for stupid things like

how to get nail polish out of your rug…

But due to the somewhat surplus of attractive men at work, because for the past two years the boys I worked with were either fetuses, or gay, I have too many opportunities to get hurt.

The reason I decided on writing this is because I have officially sunk to a level I was almost too embarrassed to admit.


I “googled” how to tell if a guy likes you. 

*cries from the shame*
I can’t help it though! Men are so goddamn confusing. One minute, its obvious you’re diggin’ me,  the next I don’t know if I am just annoying the fuck out of you.
The dilemma  I am faced with is that, I have very low self esteem. I tend to think to myself “ha! he isn’t flirting with YOU!!” 
So apparently I am now immune to flirtatiousness from the opposite sex.
I then come home from a very flirtatious day at work  and sit on the computer for hours reading website after website hoping that the things they say to look for, he does.
To my surprise, the majority of the things they say to look for have definitely been done…
like the teasing, and play fighting, the body language, etc.
Then I am listening to music, thinking about kissing and ripping the clothes off of this… person. 
(no names because I would be horrified if he ever read this!)
Most girls don’t seem to have so much trouble with guys, its like they have mutual feelings for someone, and BOOM their fucking dating within weeks.
Oh, maybe its because I don’t wear short shorts, cake on my make-up, and have my tits popping out.
I find myself getting uh, hot, for this guy whenever I think of him sexually.
The sad thing is that I’m totally basing the possibility of him actually finding me attractive and wanting me back off of something I read on the internet. I am so pathetic.
I even went there last night, with a purpose of course to return a pair of pants, not to be a creepy stalker; wearing a cute outfit, my hair and make up done, earrings, the whole shabang.  AND HE WASN’T THERE!! I was so pissed. Although its kinda fun going in wearing jeans and regular clothes, because I have to work in yoga pants and t-shirts…
people say they almost don’t recognize me! I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or not.
I also have another problem, which I don’t know is worth obsessing about because its kind of a good thing;
there are two guys.
One of them is so fucking obviously into me, which is awesome, but I haven’t decided if I like him back that way yet.
Then there is the other guy, he has definitely been flirty, but not as direct as the other.
I literally do this all the fucking time.
Why do I always do this to myself.
For all I know, he has a girlfriend, and I am completely wasting my feelings on him.
Did I mention that he has a great ass. He totally bent over in front of me on purpose today too. GAH!!
I need to get off of here before I sound like a complete bafoon.
*everyone reading this*
too late weirdo!!

H0W T0 […]